Tree Prose

2010-08-28T14:55:00.001-07:00

At noon today I found myself outside John's house. Twenty years ago, with my son in my arms, I found myself in John's home for the first time, and August 28th, 2009, I found myself in John's home for the last time. What changes in a year, what stays the same? Geraniums still flower in the outdoor planters, and the front door is the same ruby red. But now in the branches of the front yard tree two plastic swings hang. As I sat parked across the street, two red headed young boys ran out the front door and across the street to play. Their mother followed onto the front yard, watching them. Feeling I was being offered a gift, I went to meet her, and she generously allowed me into the house.

What changes in a year, what stays the same? My hand on the familiar front door knob, I pushed that ruby red door open, wanting so badly to see Patrick's painted carrot over the entry to the kitchen, the Buddha candle in the center of the mantel, and the latest Film Comment on the coffee table John had made. I walked quickly through the house, my soul jarred by the changes, and simultaneously calmed by the constancies. Things change. Painted carrots move houses, Buddha candles disappear, subscriptions to Film Comment do not get renewed. But something intangible lingers.

Since last summer I have carried a picture of John in my mind. He is in the yoga studio standing in tree pose. One foot is rooted into the ground, the sole of his other foot pressed firmly into his thigh. His torso is long, and his arms are extended upward. His gaze is soft, unwavering, and fixed on the point directly in front of him. No past, no future. He balances on one leg, in the present moment, occupying the space we all live in -- the space between living and dying.

What changes in a year, what stays the same? The picture in my mind of John is still of him in tree pose in the studio. In this picture he is robust, full of life, with a full head of hair. I think John would like that. I think he'd be happy also to know that the people who occupy his home know his name, his story, and have met his son. They love and appreciate the house he created.

John Kelly was a gifted filmmaker. He was creative, smart, kind and funny. He was an amazing father. Although he is gone, his memory will live on forever in those of us who loved him.

Carving Ourselves Free

2010-07-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."
Michelangelo
Photo of BKS Iyengar from his book Light on Yoga

Most days, she doesn't see the angel. There is a slab of marble, a superficial form. There is the color of skin, the weight of bones. Carving the form on the breath -- inch by inch and bone by bone -- first the shape of the pose announces itself. Continuing, she removes what is unnecessary, until she sees the essence of something capable of taking flight.

Come To Your Own Party

2010-04-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

So you've polished the silver, cleaned the martini glasses, washed the ashtrays, and readied the percolator. (Hmm. Your 2010 party checklist may read a little differently.) At any rate, you've done all you can in advance to make your event a success. Nothing left to do but sit back, relax with your guests and a daiquiri, and have a great time yourself.....right?
But there's that old nagging itch that screams to be attended to. A soft (yet slightly accusatory) voice in your head, suggesting you could have done more. And had you done more, the voice gently, but all-knowingly reminds you, The Land of Event Nirvana might finally have greeted you and welcomed you to the club of Party Perfection. The evening ends, your guests leave. You survey the room. By all indications, a party took place. Only you're not sure you were in attendance.

The next day, (or once sufficiently recovered) you find yourself in yoga class. You've spent an hour gently prepping and prodding your body, moving toward Virabhadrasana (Warrior) 1. You've worked in various postures on lengthening the psoas muscles, experienced the action of the tailbone descending, and brought both hips to square, facing forward. You're good to go.....right? But there's that old nagging itch screaming to be attended to. You just know that all the pieces are supposed to come together now, and yours aren't going to. Your hips are not going to square completely to the front. Your pelvic bowl will spill forward, dumping the imaginary soup you are clutching to keep upright. You'll push, pull, clench, and exert every cell in your body, but the doors to the Club of Perfection will not be opening for you today.

So what's a party-giver/yoga student to do? Maybe it's time to let go of the idea of perfection. You've done all you can to get ready. You've gotten as much length as is available to you today out of the front of your body. With careful attention, your back hip will turn to face forward to the best of its present ability. Maybe it's possible to explore and work the pose now in the spirit of self-knowledge instead of the attainment of perfection. This is who you are today, so why not come to your own party, be present, and enjoy?

2010-02-27T17:58:00.000-08:00

maybe what separates us from eternity is no more than a self-made veil -- no thicker than the width of a leaf.
when we are quietly
observant, and sometimes
even when we are not,
the veil between earth and sky
is pierced. Through
this pin hole
we can see
that what separates us
from eternity is
really nothing at all.

An Introduction to an interview with John Hayden

2010-02-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

Several years ago on the first day of my son's high school biology class, his teacher said the one and only thing that impressed him. He asked the students to turn their cell phones off, as opposed to just silencing them. He explained that silencing them would pull their attention -- even subconsciously -- away from the lecture.
The first day of the yoga philosophy class for the teacher training program, John said the first of many things that impressed me. Settling in on the floor in Studio II, I took blankets to sit on, got out my notepad and pen, and poured myself a cup of tea. I arranged my area with care, making it as comfortable as possible. John was teaching the class, and one of the first things he asked us was to consider putting our cups of tea away. As I disposed of my beverage, I noticed how much this simple act changed everything: the tea was gone, replaced with a slight feeling of apprehension (how would I now occupy myself if the class was boring? {Editors note: It was anything but}) a small sense of discomfort (the cup was so warm, the tea so soothing!) and a little gnawing of vulnerability (I won't be able to sip the tea to avoid eye contact if their is a general question asked of the class and I don't know the answer -- will examining the fringe on the blanket do the trick?)
And I had thought it was just a cup of Stash's green jasmine. I was mighty impressed already. I felt a little more exposed, a little more raw, and much more present as I settled into being there for the experience without bringing familiar habits -- in this case a simple cup of tea -- with me.
I don't always recognize the uninvited guests I have brought with me to my yoga practice, the comforts and habits that keep me from shining the light of bare attention on myself. I enjoy John's asana classes because he is authentic and precise, because he teaches with generosity, and because -- without saying it in so many words -- he asks me to put my cup of tea away.
I am so appreciative that he agreed to be interviewed, and am looking forward to his classes February 20th and 21st.

An Interview with John Hayden

John Hayden is a certified Iyengar yoga instructor and a graduate of the Iyengar Yoga Institute of San Francisco Advanced Studies/Teacher Training Program. John has studied with the Iyengar family in Pune, India and serves as the current Board President of of the Iyengar Yoga Association of Northern California.

When was the first time you heard the word "yoga"?

When I was in high school we joked about it being oooooooo-Yoga-breathe!

What were your first impressions of people who practiced yoga?

My first impression was of the teacher who was very pretty, flexible and had an air of spirituality about her. I was most impressed and attracted.

What originally brought you to yoga?

At the time I was very involved in rock climbing. I read an article in a climbing magazine in which a climber was interviewed who practiced yoga. He stated that it helped him with strength, flexibility, balance and concentration. These are all qualities that are much desired for rock climbers. I thought I would try it out.

How long did you have your asana practice before beginning to incorporate the other limbs of yoga?

I was very soon attracted to, what I thought at the time, was the underlying spiritual nature of Yoga. I have since come to realize that spirituality is, in fact, the foundation of Yoga.

How did that change your practice?

If one continues to practice, regularly, over a long period of time, it soon becomes apparent that “stretching your hamstrings” is not enough. Maintaining a regular practice requires an inner drive or Tapas (burning desire).

What does your daily practice consist of?

I practice Pranayama every day for 20-30 minutes (early in the morning). My asana practice I do six days a week (Sunday off) for 1.5-2.5 hours each day. I have a regimen of poses I do each day to help me maintain the flexibility of my knees (I have knee issues). Otherwise I practice long inversions, each day, and compliment those with standing poses, forward extensions or backbends depending on the week.

     Is it ever difficult to stay motivated with your practice?

Staying motivated is a continual challenge. Life is full of reasons not to practice. Patanjali tells us that Tapas-discipline, Svadhyaya-the willingness to study the self and Isvara-pranidhanani-surrender to God are the acts of Yoga. This requires much more than an interest in physical movement. It requires grace.

How have you worked through these times?

The willingness to continue comes from an internal drive. To me, that drive (tapas), is not of my doing. It is a blessing. It is grace.

     Can you speak about the differences between Iyengar yoga and other styles, and why Iyengar yoga is the path you have pursued?     

When I first began to practice Yoga, it was not in the Iyengar Tradition. What I soon realized, especially as I became a teacher, was that I needed to know how to actually teach my students how to do the poses. What I often saw in other yoga classes, was a teacher who would get in front of a class and lead students through a series of poses. I wanted to learn how to teach, not lead. Iyengar Yoga continually provides me this vehicle and makes me a better teacher.

Using a few adjectives, how would you describe yourself before beginning yoga?

Unsettled, unsure of myself, dependent, searching.

    How would you describe yourself now?

Having faith, finding acceptance of myself, free, searching along a specific path.

    In addition to (I'm assuming) Light on Yoga, is their another book on the subject of yoga that you consider essential?

Light on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali- B.K.S Iyengar

You have been to India several times to study with the Iyengar family. What is the greatest gift you have taken away from these studies?

Experiencing the depth of the total dedication to the study of Yoga that the Iyengar’s have and experiencing the brilliance of their teaching.

    What is your idea of living hell?

Addiction.

   Do you have a guilty pleasure?   

Not guilty, just pleasure. I like sweets!!!!!!

What is your idea of the perfect day?

Get up a little later (7 AM) practice Pranayama. Spend two hours having tea and fooling around on my computer. Practicing asana for 2.5 hours. Sitting quietly to read/study the Sutras for 30 mins. Shower and dress, go out and meet Kim for a burrito at Chipotle and go to a good movie. Come home and go to bed early with a good book. Boring- huh?

Thank you so much, John, for allowing me to interview you!

John Hayden Weekend

Saturday and Sunday, February 20-21, 2010.
Saturday: 2:00-5:00 pm; Sunday: 1:00-4:00 pm
$50 each workshop or $90 for both pre-registered.
Please mail check to studio; no phone registrations.

John Hayden is a certified Iyengar teacher from Carmel Valley. Both sessions are intended for students with at least 6 months Iyengar yoga experience wanting to deepen their practice. John is part of our Teacher Training Faculty and students always find John's teaching helpful and insightful.

Yoga to Benefit Haiti

2010-02-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

Times are hard, and I know most of us have given what we can to help out the people of Haiti during this catastrophe. Here's a painless way to give a bit more: Consider coming to Fig Garden Yoga for an all-levels class on Friday, February 12th, from 5:45 - 6:45. The studio is kindly donating all the evening's proceeds to support the relief efforts in Haiti. The money raised will be sent to Partners In Health, an organization that has been working to meet the medical needs of the Haitian community for nearly twenty years.

BKS Iyengar and Mary Oliver

2010-01-17T11:28:00.000-08:00

On the official BKS Iyengar website, http://www.bksiyengar.com/default.asp, Mr. Iyengar defines yoga as such: "On the spiritual plane, it means union of the Individual Self with the Universal Self." Mary Oliver, the acclaimed American poet, has a similar aim -- through a close examination of nature, the true self is revealed. Mary Oliver writes poems that achingly draw out the extraordinary in the ordinary experience, and they always leave me in awe.

Song of the Builders
by Mary Oliver from her Pulitzer Prize winning collection Why I Wake Early

On a summer morning
I sat down
on a hillside
to think about God--

a worthy pastime.
Near me, I saw
a single cricket;
it was moving the grains of the hillside

this way and that way.
How great was its energy,
how humble its effort.
Let us hope

it will always be like this,
each of us going on
in our inexplicable ways
building the universe.

2009-12-22T13:23:00.000-08:00

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with the fabulous Nancy Tan and ask her a few questions. Nancy founded Fig Garden Yoga Studio in 1998 (first known as Nancy‘s Yoga Studio), and is trained in a variety of mind-body disciplines. Nancy is also the author of Quiet Mind, Healthy Body: The Art of Low Stress Living, and produced the relaxation CD Yoga Nidra: Therapeutic Deep Relaxation.

Thanks for taking the time to sit with me and answer some questions. You have led a very interesting life. What is your earliest memory?
My first memory is of us sneaking behind Japanese lines. Shanghai was occupied, so our family evacuated to the interior. I was about three or four years old. We ended up in Anhui Provence, Northeast of Shanghai. We stayed for three or so years. My mother founded a school there. I remember taking naps at the desk. Because my mom started the school and she was the principal, I was elected class president. I was about four years old. Pretty bad experience -- no idea what it was all about!

What were these years like?
We were in a very backwards village. I remember the country house we were at had some land. My mom literally had a zoo -- chickens, a goat, lambs. Every so often little Pebbles would be chicken soup -- someone would end up on the table. A very rural experience. I remember being chased by a gaggle of geese.

Where did you move next?
We left Anhui Provence after the Japanese surrendered and returned to Shanghai. Then the revolution happened, so we had to leave China for Hong Kong. We were going to go to Taiwan from Hong Kong when my father died. We stayed in Hong Kong for four or so years before immigrating to Argentina. Eva Peron was friendly to Chinese refugees, and my mom planned to start a school, however, Peron died before we got to Argentina. We couldn’t come directly to the United States because there was a cap on Chinese immigrants. Things haven’t changed too much. We lived off our resources in Argentina, and it took two years to get to the United States. I was fourteen when we arrived in San Francisco. After a semester in San Francisco, my mother decided it wasn’t a good place, so she sent me to a boarding school in Michigan. After graduating, I cashed in my train ticket and stayed in Chicago for a year. I got a job doing billing for a meter reading place. Time Magazine eventually hired me and trained me on keypunch. I put myself through school that way.

You lived in many different countries. Could you speak the languages?
I spoke several dialects of Chinese, Spanish, Latin, and later, German. I was very good with languages once upon a time.

When was your first introduction to yoga, and what was that like?
I was going to Esalen quite a lot, taking courses in transpersonal psychology and all. I did the yoga thing with Chuck Miller and Maty Ezraty -- the YogaWorks people. It was Ashtanga yoga, but he was such a good teacher, I didn’t feel stressed out. It was just great. I didn’t find yoga I liked in Fresno, so I got a schedule for the Iyengar studio in Palo Alto. Every weekend I would drive to Palo Alto for classes.

At what point did you decide to teach yoga?
I never planned to teach. During the week I had no teacher, so I took a training course so I could do it right. The program was through Integrative Yoga Therapy. As part of the program I had to teach an eight week class. I never did stop. Several of the original students are still with the studio.

What has been yoga’s greatest gift to you?
It helped me a lot in embodying everything I learned in psychotherapy. It gave me much more of a sense of awareness. What I got from psychotherapy was head knowledge, but yoga helped me put it into my life so I can act on it. That’s not to say that it’s more important, but both were necessary, I think.

Let’s talk about your book on the topic of stress. What was the experience like writing your book?
The worst part of writing the book was trying to pick a title -- constantly asking friends, “What do you think of this title? What about this one?” The writing was not the hardest part. Getting it published was the hardest part. The writing of it I enjoyed. Getting it published, I did not.

How long did it take to write?
A long time. Between getting the idea and beginning to write was maybe a year and a half. If I hadn't had a publisher interested in it, I probably wouldn’t have written it. Once I got going it was good. And then I had to lay it aside for the last chapter. I didn’t know how to end it. There are so many topics related to stress. I could have doubled the size of the book. I just wrote when I wasn’t traveling, so it took another two years to get it out. At some point, I just wanted to be done.

Are you interested in writing another book?
I would be interested I think in writing a book on aging, incorporating yoga philosophy. But you know, my book is not a yoga book strictly, so it’s hard to find a publisher. The yoga books I’ve seen on aging are asana oriented. Some talk about health, but none that I’ve seen use the philosophy. Right now, though, I’m having a lot more fun water coloring.

You seem to really enjoy the creative process.
It’s fun to learn a better way to do something. I like the learning process in something I’m interested in. I can learn to be a good writer. The writing process taught me how to write. I enjoyed the editing process as well. I love water coloring, and I don’t mind being bad at something. I love the process of colors, but also the idea of doing something better the next time -- finding a new way of doing something.

You are known as an enthusiastic traveler. Where haven’t you been that you would like to?
Denmark, Norway, Finland. The Baltic Countries: Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia. Iran. The five ‘stans, but it’s very expensive to go there -- every one of the ‘stans needs a visa. Australia and New Zealand. Germany. Laos and Myanmar.

Are there places you would not like to travel to?
I don’t want to go to the Galapagos. I’m not interested in animals. No safari in Africa. I’m not interested in the Amazon, or really cold places like Antartica.

Do you have a favorite place you’ve traveled?
The favorite place is always the one I didn’t get enough of. The British Isles are probably one of my favorites because I’m the most familiar with the history.

Are there things in life you wish you could do over?
If there was something I could do over, I would have been a better mother. I would have started yoga younger. Been better to my body sooner.

How would you describe yourself?
I'm afraid I'm rather opinionated. My opinions can be changed when I can see things differently but when I have them, they are pretty strong opinions. I am not a loner and I enjoy people, but I prefer projects by myself since I like the freedom of doing what I want to do and how I want to do it. Take reading for example. I'm an avid reader but I've not been successful in book groups because it is difficult for me to read something I have little or no interest in. So I've learned not to serve on committees or join organizations. I am pretty intuitive and I like creating new projects better than maintaining them.

What do you consider three important traits in your friends?
Loyalty. Honesty. Self awareness.

Do you have any prized possessions?
Hmmm. My Duxiana mattress, because I’m never buying another one!

It was a pleasure to talk with you, Nancy. Thank you!

.

Got Happiness?

2009-11-15T17:42:00.000-08:00

Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you. --Hafiz
It comes as no surprise to most of us as we move through our days pursuing happiness (that self evident truth Thomas Jefferson wrote of) that true happiness can't be traced by our fingers on the logo of a new Coach purse, is not residing at the bottom of a bag of potato chips, doesn't arrive with the boxes for the new house, and isn't awarded to us for having a high friend count on Facebook. We know all the places Happiness isn't, yet many of us find ourselves habitually returning to these well-worn spots. If we posted a picture of our missing Happiness on a milk carton, what would it look like? And if we really wanted to find Happiness, don't we already know its address? Does it make sense to chase after something we can't see, and isn't missing in the first place?
As we inhabit our body through careful attention to yoga poses and the mind begins to quiet, space is created. In this new space, we are presented with the opportunity to move past our habitual patterns of action. We can begin to investigate happiness in the last place we think to look.
Yoga gives us the opportunity to stop pretending we're pursuing Happiness, which was never running from us in the first place. Yoga instead gives us the opportunity for Happiness, which has been running down the street after us, calling our name, to find us and bring us home.

Lovely All Around

2009-07-22T11:41:00.000-07:00

A lovely weekend was spent recently in beautiful Ventura, California by Nancy Renaud and myself. We had a wonderful time filled with healthy gluttony and redundancy (redundancy gets such a bad rap -- I mean it in the best of ways!) Our first stop on the redundancy train was to let Bon Iver (http://www.myspace.com/boniver) play non-stop in the car (a four hour car ride each way, additional driving around town -- you do the math.) We ate almost every meal at Nature's Grill (when something's so good, why go anywhere else?) And we spent most daylight hours engrossed in an 18 hour yoga wall workshop led by Bryan Legere (http://www.venturayoga.com/index.html) at his Ventura Yoga Studio. The workshop was participated in by a fabulous and varied group (who would have thought that Nancy and I coming from Fresno would be some of the closest geographically to Ventura? People had come from across the United States and New Zealand.) Bryan holds an Intermediate Level 3 Iyengar Certification. He and his business partner invented "the Great Yoga Wall" (http://www.yogawall.com/index.html) in 1998, a system which builds upon the revolutionary inventions of Mr. Iyengar's rope wall through adjustable belts and attachments to the wall. The rope wall is a wonderful tool to assist in the development and progression of poses, and it was great to revisit its use as taught by Audrey at Fig Garden Yoga (http://www.figgardenyogastudio.com /home.html), as well as explore other uses. What a great weekend!

I think Emily Dickinson Might Have Been Mistaken

2009-07-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

The tiny bird moved back and forth in her closed, cupped hands. She could feel its strong wings pushing against her palms, and could feel the rapid heartbeat beneath its warm chest.
She marveled at the wallop this small bird packed. Gathering her courage, she tentatively separated her hands an inch or so in order to say good bye to this little bird. Hope -- this thing with feathers that perched in her soul, that sang the tune without the words, and never stopped at all. Never. Ever. Ever. Stopped.
Fearful of the unknown, she nonetheless knew it was time to say good bye. They'd outgrown each other, gone as far as they could in their relationship. She knew Hope's Greatest Hits by heart -- the one where the ground would finally stop shifting beneath her, the one where she'd one day not only make it, but stay there (where ever "it" and "there" were.) The one where all the loose ends would be neatly tied up. The one where one day she would arrive, fully-formed, as the person she was supposed to be. And all the time she'd been Hope's biggest fan, this innocent looking little bird had been robbing her blind. Over and over again, it had stolen the present moment from her. She had been mesmerized by its star power and hypnotized by its beautiful songs. Hope had swooped up from her soul, carrying her away from Reality, whom she had tossed by the side of the road with barely a glance back. Hope dazzled her with its live show -- and she followed it from arena to arena, giddy over its promises of something better, prettier, faster, longer-lasting (pleasure!), shorter-lived (pain!), and/or more permanent or less permanent, and which, it sang, could only be found in the future.
She took one last glance at the bird in her hands. She turned her palms upward, said good bye, and Hope took flight. (She thought she caught a look of relief on its face as it flew toward the setting sun.)
She brushed her hands together, still warm from its touch, and looked back at the road behind her. Plumes of dust rose from the gravel as she saw Reality trudging slowly toward her. Ah, Reality. Not always what she wanted, but always there. He reached her side. They stood together for a moment, saying nothing. Their eyes turned toward the sky, empty now of Hope, and together in silence they watched the sun drop below the horizon. Reality put his hand on her shoulder, and together they turned and began to walk the dusty road home.

Waving, Not Drowning

2009-07-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, a woman of a certain age found herself in the middle of the ocean, swimming to stay afloat. The ocean had no beginning and no end -- it churned and moved beneath and around her. It was an ocean of activities, chores, jobs, to-do lists, and many more things -- too many to name -- which kept her constantly moving to keep her head above water far beyond the time it took the sun to arc across the sky . Sigh. Somewhere there must be a better way!
She looked up one day, mid-paddle and mid-errand, and noticed a raft bobbing in the water beside her. It didn't look as if it would hold her, but it's beautiful shade of purple enticed her to take the chance. Grabbing hold of the raft, her to-do list slipped from her hands. She worriedly watched it disintegrate and sink beneath the surface of the water as she hoisted herself onto the slim structure. Being that the raft was only 24" x 68" and 4mm thick -- the exact size of a standard yoga mat -- she was surprised it held her so well, and she fit quite comfortably.
She floated on top of the water -- the lists, the chores, the jobs, all forgotten. She rested and rejuvenated. She stretched and strengthened. She explored and quieted. She pressed into her big toe mound and back through her outer heel and felt the power inside her body. She brought her shoulder blades into her back and let her chest and heart lift, feeling refreshed and energized. She folded herself in two, deep into her hip creases, and rested with her head below her heart, quieting her mind. When on her purple 24" x 68" raft, life simplified. The unnecessary thoughts (My! There were so many of them!) seemed to fall away. Words went unspoken, and the world was none the worse for it. She felt alive and present to each moment, and felt her body fully inhabited.
Keeping her raft close by her side, she dove back into the water (after all, the kids did need to be picked up from school) with a restored body and a clearer mind. She created a new to-do list to replace the lost one, but this time made sure that it left her plenty of time to spend on her raft.
If you find yourself in the ocean and see this woman waving from the distance, don't worry, she is not drowning. She is just waving you over with an offer to share her raft.