At noon today I found myself outside John's house. Twenty years ago, with my son in my arms, I found myself in John's home for the first time, and August 28th, 2009, I found myself in John's home for the last time. What changes in a year, what stays the same? Geraniums still flower in the outdoor planters, and the front door is the same ruby red. But now in the branches of the front yard tree two plastic swings hang. As I sat parked across the street, two red headed young boys ran out the front door and across the street to play. Their mother followed onto the front yard, watching them. Feeling I was being offered a gift, I went to meet her, and she generously allowed me into the house.

What changes in a year, what stays the same? My hand on the familiar front door knob, I pushed that ruby red door open, wanting so badly to see Patrick's painted carrot over the entry to the kitchen, the Buddha candle in the center of the mantel, and the latest Film Comment on the coffee table John had made. I walked quickly through the house, my soul jarred by the changes, and simultaneously calmed by the constancies. Things change. Painted carrots move houses, Buddha candles disappear, subscriptions to Film Comment do not get renewed. But something intangible lingers.

Since last summer I have carried a picture of John in my mind. He is in the yoga studio standing in tree pose. One foot is rooted into the ground, the sole of his other foot pressed firmly into his thigh. His torso is long, and his arms are extended upward. His gaze is soft, unwavering, and fixed on the point directly in front of him. No past, no future. He balances on one leg, in the present moment, occupying the space we all live in -- the space between living and dying.

What changes in a year, what stays the same? The picture in my mind of John is still of him in tree pose in the studio. In this picture he is robust, full of life, with a full head of hair. I think John would like that. I think he'd be happy also to know that the people who occupy his home know his name, his story, and have met his son. They love and appreciate the house he created.

John Kelly was a gifted filmmaker. He was creative, smart, kind and funny. He was an amazing father. Although he is gone, his memory will live on forever in those of us who loved him.

Carving Ourselves Free

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."
Michelangelo
Photo of BKS Iyengar from his book Light on Yoga

Most days, she doesn't see the angel. There is a slab of marble, a superficial form. There is the color of skin, the weight of bones. Carving the form on the breath -- inch by inch and bone by bone -- first the shape of the pose announces itself. Continuing, she removes what is unnecessary, until she sees the essence of something capable of taking flight.

Come To Your Own Party

So you've polished the silver, cleaned the martini glasses, washed the ashtrays, and readied the percolator. (Hmm. Your 2010 party checklist may read a little differently.) At any rate, you've done all you can in advance to make your event a success. Nothing left to do but sit back, relax with your guests and a daiquiri, and have a great time yourself.....right?
But there's that old nagging itch that screams to be attended to. A soft (yet slightly accusatory) voice in your head, suggesting you could have done more. And had you done more, the voice gently, but all-knowingly reminds you, The Land of Event Nirvana might finally have greeted you and welcomed you to the club of Party Perfection. The evening ends, your guests leave. You survey the room. By all indications, a party took place. Only you're not sure you were in attendance.

The next day, (or once sufficiently recovered) you find yourself in yoga class. You've spent an hour gently prepping and prodding your body, moving toward Virabhadrasana (Warrior) 1. You've worked in various postures on lengthening the psoas muscles, experienced the action of the tailbone descending, and brought both hips to square, facing forward. You're good to go.....right? But there's that old nagging itch screaming to be attended to. You just know that all the pieces are supposed to come together now, and yours aren't going to. Your hips are not going to square completely to the front. Your pelvic bowl will spill forward, dumping the imaginary soup you are clutching to keep upright. You'll push, pull, clench, and exert every cell in your body, but the doors to the Club of Perfection will not be opening for you today.

So what's a party-giver/yoga student to do? Maybe it's time to let go of the idea of perfection. You've done all you can to get ready. You've gotten as much length as is available to you today out of the front of your body. With careful attention, your back hip will turn to face forward to the best of its present ability. Maybe it's possible to explore and work the pose now in the spirit of self-knowledge instead of the attainment of perfection. This is who you are today, so why not come to your own party, be present, and enjoy?

maybe what separates us from eternity is no more than a self-made veil -- no thicker than the width of a leaf.
when we are quietly
observant, and sometimes
even when we are not,
the veil between earth and sky
is pierced. Through
this pin hole
we can see
that what separates us
from eternity is
really nothing at all.

An Introduction to an interview with John Hayden

Several years ago on the first day of my son's high school biology class, his teacher said the one and only thing that impressed him. He asked the students to turn their cell phones off, as opposed to just silencing them. He explained that silencing them would pull their attention -- even subconsciously -- away from the lecture.
The first day of the yoga philosophy class for the teacher training program, John said the first of many things that impressed me. Settling in on the floor in Studio II, I took blankets to sit on, got out my notepad and pen, and poured myself a cup of tea. I arranged my area with care, making it as comfortable as possible. John was teaching the class, and one of the first things he asked us was to consider putting our cups of tea away. As I disposed of my beverage, I noticed how much this simple act changed everything: the tea was gone, replaced with a slight feeling of apprehension (how would I now occupy myself if the class was boring? {Editors note: It was anything but}) a small sense of discomfort (the cup was so warm, the tea so soothing!) and a little gnawing of vulnerability (I won't be able to sip the tea to avoid eye contact if their is a general question asked of the class and I don't know the answer -- will examining the fringe on the blanket do the trick?)
And I had thought it was just a cup of Stash's green jasmine. I was mighty impressed already. I felt a little more exposed, a little more raw, and much more present as I settled into being there for the experience without bringing familiar habits -- in this case a simple cup of tea -- with me.
I don't always recognize the uninvited guests I have brought with me to my yoga practice, the comforts and habits that keep me from shining the light of bare attention on myself. I enjoy John's asana classes because he is authentic and precise, because he teaches with generosity, and because -- without saying it in so many words -- he asks me to put my cup of tea away.
I am so appreciative that he agreed to be interviewed, and am looking forward to his classes February 20th and 21st.

An Interview with John Hayden

John Hayden is a certified Iyengar yoga instructor and a graduate of the Iyengar Yoga Institute of San Francisco Advanced Studies/Teacher Training Program. John has studied with the Iyengar family in Pune, India and serves as the current Board President of of the Iyengar Yoga Association of Northern California.

When was the first time you heard the word "yoga"?

When I was in high school we joked about it being oooooooo-Yoga-breathe!

What were your first impressions of people who practiced yoga?

My first impression was of the teacher who was very pretty, flexible and had an air of spirituality about her. I was most impressed and attracted.

What originally brought you to yoga?

At the time I was very involved in rock climbing. I read an article in a climbing magazine in which a climber was interviewed who practiced yoga. He stated that it helped him with strength, flexibility, balance and concentration. These are all qualities that are much desired for rock climbers. I thought I would try it out.

How long did you have your asana practice before beginning to incorporate the other limbs of yoga?

I was very soon attracted to, what I thought at the time, was the underlying spiritual nature of Yoga. I have since come to realize that spirituality is, in fact, the foundation of Yoga.

How did that change your practice?

If one continues to practice, regularly, over a long period of time, it soon becomes apparent that “stretching your hamstrings” is not enough. Maintaining a regular practice requires an inner drive or Tapas (burning desire).

What does your daily practice consist of?

I practice Pranayama every day for 20-30 minutes (early in the morning). My asana practice I do six days a week (Sunday off) for 1.5-2.5 hours each day. I have a regimen of poses I do each day to help me maintain the flexibility of my knees (I have knee issues). Otherwise I practice long inversions, each day, and compliment those with standing poses, forward extensions or backbends depending on the week.






Is it ever difficult to stay motivated with your practice?

Staying motivated is a continual challenge. Life is full of reasons not to practice. Patanjali tells us that Tapas-discipline, Svadhyaya-the willingness to study the self and Isvara-pranidhanani-surrender to God are the acts of Yoga. This requires much more than an interest in physical movement. It requires grace.

How have you worked through these times?

The willingness to continue comes from an internal drive. To me, that drive (tapas), is not of my doing. It is a blessing. It is grace.






Can you speak about the differences between Iyengar yoga and other styles, and why Iyengar yoga is the path you have pursued?






When I first began to practice Yoga, it was not in the Iyengar Tradition. What I soon realized, especially as I became a teacher, was that I needed to know how to actually teach my students how to do the poses. What I often saw in other yoga classes, was a teacher who would get in front of a class and lead students through a series of poses. I wanted to learn how to teach, not lead. Iyengar Yoga continually provides me this vehicle and makes me a better teacher.

Using a few adjectives, how would you describe yourself before beginning yoga?

Unsettled, unsure of myself, dependent, searching.





How would you describe yourself now?

Having faith, finding acceptance of myself, free, searching along a specific path.





In addition to (I'm assuming) Light on Yoga, is their another book on the subject of yoga that you consider essential?

Light on the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali- B.K.S Iyengar

You have been to India several times to study with the Iyengar family. What is the greatest gift you have taken away from these studies?

Experiencing the depth of the total dedication to the study of Yoga that the Iyengar’s have and experiencing the brilliance of their teaching.





What is your idea of living hell?

Addiction.




Do you have a guilty pleasure?




Not guilty, just pleasure. I like sweets!!!!!!

What is your idea of the perfect day?

Get up a little later (7 AM) practice Pranayama. Spend two hours having tea and fooling around on my computer. Practicing asana for 2.5 hours. Sitting quietly to read/study the Sutras for 30 mins. Shower and dress, go out and meet Kim for a burrito at Chipotle and go to a good movie. Come home and go to bed early with a good book. Boring- huh?

Thank you so much, John, for allowing me to interview you!

John Hayden Weekend

Saturday and Sunday, February 20-21, 2010.
Saturday: 2:00-5:00 pm; Sunday: 1:00-4:00 pm
$50 each workshop or $90 for both pre-registered.
Please mail check to studio; no phone registrations.

John Hayden is a certified Iyengar teacher from Carmel Valley. Both sessions are intended for students with at least 6 months Iyengar yoga experience wanting to deepen their practice. John is part of our Teacher Training Faculty and students always find John's teaching helpful and insightful.













Yoga to Benefit Haiti

Times are hard, and I know most of us have given what we can to help out the people of Haiti during this catastrophe. Here's a painless way to give a bit more: Consider coming to Fig Garden Yoga for an all-levels class on Friday, February 12th, from 5:45 - 6:45. The studio is kindly donating all the evening's proceeds to support the relief efforts in Haiti. The money raised will be sent to Partners In Health, an organization that has been working to meet the medical needs of the Haitian community for nearly twenty years.

BKS Iyengar and Mary Oliver

On the official BKS Iyengar website, http://www.bksiyengar.com/default.asp, Mr. Iyengar defines yoga as such: "On the spiritual plane, it means union of the Individual Self with the Universal Self." Mary Oliver, the acclaimed American poet, has a similar aim -- through a close examination of nature, the true self is revealed. Mary Oliver writes poems that achingly draw out the extraordinary in the ordinary experience, and they always leave me in awe.

Song of the Builders
by Mary Oliver from her Pulitzer Prize winning collection Why I Wake Early

On a summer morning
I sat down
on a hillside
to think about God--

a worthy pastime.
Near me, I saw
a single cricket;
it was moving the grains of the hillside

this way and that way.
How great was its energy,
how humble its effort.
Let us hope

it will always be like this,
each of us going on
in our inexplicable ways
building the universe.